Your Teen’s Faith Lies in the Evidence: Success Breeds More of the Same

“I can’t do it. It’ll never happen. I guess I’ll be fat forever. I’ll probably always bite my nails. I can’t see myself ever getting an A. I’ll never have any friends,” and so on and so on. These are some of the self-defeating thoughts, often verbalized, that unfortunately too many Teens seem to experience at one time or another. And if you’re reading this, it is likely your Teen is one of many who has struggled in this respect with a sense of trepidation in establishing and completing goals. This is essentially your Teen demonstrating a diminished faith in her/him/their self, often brought about by one of the following factors: societal pressures and the need to fit in, a learned habit of thinking through bad modeling, or through the experience of trauma which has tainted your Teen’s perspective.

Whatever the cause, these self-sabotaging thoughts and words lead to self-sabotaging actions with perceived failure, the expected outcome, again and again, and again and again, painstakingly so for both your Teen and you as the parent…until, until… success begins to show up. It may be a tiny victory, imperceivable to most, like a small ray of light streaming through thick storm clouds. But to your Teen, it might as well be a powerful noon day sun that has just relit the pilot in their soul, so to speak, that recognizes there’s more than the doom and the gloom they’ve experienced thus far. Perhaps your daughter grew her first fingernail after years of biting them to painful nubs. Maybe your son noticed muscle begin to appear where once there was fat, a chubbiness that he carried around his entire life up until that point. Or it could be that your Teen finally earned their first A after years of struggling academically. Whatever it may be, it is the solid, in your face, beyond a doubt, proof that whatever they are doing is working! It lifts the spirit and provides the intrinsic motivation for your Teen to continue to move forward. And with each success comes more successes. It is as if your Teen just hit mach 1 and broke the sound barrier with a “BOOM”, “mic drop” type of performance that just can’t be beat until he/she/they do it again!

This is what I call the “critical mass of the spirit”, the tipping point, where a disheartened soul feels greater and greater hope in its own abilities to achieve whatever it desires! Think of “The Little Engine That Could”. It may take some time to shine that penny, yet persistence will see it shine as if it were a golden coin made of stardust.

You see, it can be said that “believing is seeing”. It can also be said that “seeing is believing.” The question is, “Which comes first?” Personally, we believe there has to be at least a bit of belief to start in order to see the first evidence of that belief. We then believe that the witnessing of this evidence is the impetus to eventually what becomes unwavering faith.

And so trust that your Teen will find their own evidence. Trust that your Teen has been innately designed to explore and to grow. Give your Teen time, and let your Teen find their own way while you provide gentle guidance and patient protection on what is THEIR journey and not yours. Have faith that your Teen will find their own faith. 🙂

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